


Never without it

by blakefancier



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-16
Updated: 2012-10-16
Packaged: 2017-11-16 10:25:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakefancier/pseuds/blakefancier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Howard has a secret he doesn't ever tell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never without it

**Author's Note:**

> This is just me playing with words so I can get my writing juices flowing.

There's a secret Howard never tells. A secret he never puts into words or deeds. He manages to keep it hidden, to conceal it in work and women and drink. But sometimes, sometimes he—

Steve—

He—

Sometimes, just sometimes, Howard wants to touch. He wants to press his lips against someone who is bigger and stronger and better than he could ever be. Sometimes, he wants that. Sometimes, it's all he thinks about.

And Steve—

Howard doesn't think Steve has secrets. His feelings for Peggy are written on his face. It makes Howard ache to see it, all the beautiful words written across the curve of Steve's lips, in the blue of his eyes, and the flex of his fingers. 

It's the poetry of openness. 

Howard makes Steve's armor and it hugs his body and presses against his skin. And it is not words, it's not even deeds, but it's his secret dolled up in red, white, and blue. No one suspects. No one will ever suspect. 

He sometimes wishes they would.

*****

This is what would happen if Steve found out.

He would cup Howard's face and they would kiss and Howard would melt against that lovely body. All Howard's secrets would be stripped away by Steve's hands and mouth and cock and afterward Howard would whisper against Steve's skin all things he wanted say.

And it's a lovely dream, a lovely fantasy. Sometimes, Howard takes it out and plays with it, but it's not the truth. 

This is what would really happen if Steve found out.

He would look disgusted and he would tell Howard that he's not like that, he's not an invert. He would turn and run away and he would be uncomfortable in Howard's presence. And maybe his men would find out and maybe they would beat Howard for being the way he is.

Maybe, maybe, maybe and sometimes, sometimes, sometimes. 

Howard closes his eyes against the secret until it's too late. Until Steve—

*****

It's cold. It's so cold that he aches.

He always aches. 

But he doesn't stop looking. 

He never stops looking.


End file.
